"My Chemical Romance"

I have to let go and start again. It's the only way. Kaytagal din naman kitang MINAHAL. I guess LIFE goes on, and if you'll think about it, in the past we are not like this.I don't want to be ALONE. Who does? But this being alone gives me the freedom to do things all to my self. More free time, more choices in life. At least I've tried rescuing the relationship. I know who or whatever you are if you really love the person she will accept, but on the contrary, if she doesn't love you, it's only fair the relationship ends. Also, I'm still wondering why LOVE blooms very slowly but ends with just a flick of an eye. "Nagising na ako sa katotohanan, katotohanan na di ka naman talaga sa akin" I'm letting everything go now. No grudges, no hate, no bitterness. A friend once told me, "pre wag ka all the way pagdating sa LOVE, wag mo Karerin, take it easy." I guess he's right! Now back to being SINGLE again. Hello LADIES!!! I'm here, Available...Just look at my profile. :-)

"Ouch"

It really hurts from deep inside. I risked opening up myself to Someone I thought I'll be spending the rest of my life, my true LOVE. But I didn't see THE END coming. The Excuse: "nsa akin ung problema at hindi ko pa kaya ibigay ung dapat na pra sayo"

So sad isn't it!? so much LOVE to GIVE to a PERSON that doesn't want it. OUCH!
Now my reflection: "BAKIT PA KITA MINAHAL!"

Really sad... so sad...sad.

"Life"

Sometimes, it's really not fair! nothing much to say, nothing much to utter. So much sorrow to harvest. My birthday is coming up in a few days. I was hoping i could have a blast on that day. But how could I? all thats left in here...loneliness. Smile! as if it were true!? UNFAIR, isn't it?

"Same Old"

Ive written this poem a long time ago. try to view it at my web page "Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso". Pls. give me some credits if you would like to use it. Here is the poem by the way. Comments are very welcome.


Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Di maipaliwanag na kiliti ang nararamdaman
Sa tuwing tayo ay magkasama
Magkatabi sa buong maghapon
Di na nga kailangang magsalita pa, para ipadama
Ang damdamin natin sa bawat isa.

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Wala tayong pakialam
Wala nga tayong imikan, kahit sikmura ay kumakalam
Di man lang natin inaalintana
Kahit abutin tayo ng magdamagan
Hanggang sa ang bukas ay maging ngayon na.

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Di ko man lamang namalayan
Na ikaw pala ay nagpapaalam na
Napaka tanga ko naman para di ko malaman
Na ang dati mong yakap ay di na kasing-init ng dati
Mga halik mo ay naging yelo na rin.

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Ibayong sakit na ang nararamdaman
Sapagkat di na tayo magkasama
Sakit sa ulo sa buong maghapon
Di na ako nag-sasalita pa, dahil wala na akong madama
Na pag-ibig. Wala na.

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Nawawalan na ako ng gana!
Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Galit na ang kasama!
Hayaan mo, Bukas
maghahanap na ako ng iba.

--Alimuom

"Paalam"

I hate goodbye's, but its the only way I can be free. FREE of what? Well God knows what. GOODBYE Batuel!

"When ton2x"

When ton2x is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.

When ton2x looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he lovesyou and
how important you are.

When ton2x answers "I'm Fine" afterawhile,
He is not and feels hurts.

When ton2x keep asking you the samequestion,
He is wondering why you are lying.

When ton2x hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belong to him forever.

When ton2x calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.

When ton2x wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how are you today.

When ton2x sms's u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.

When ton2x says I love you,
He really means it.

When ton2x says that he can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.

When ton2x says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immeditely.

-Taken from "when a GUY"

"Stupified!?"

Have you heard the song of Hale's "The day you said good night" ? Some words struck me like 10,000 volts of electricity, frying the Sh*t out of me. Words Like: "I need this time to be with you." and "You didn't ask me why, I never would have known OBLIVION is falling down."

Now I keep still keep asking myself "Why should it be you and me, if you are just going to leave me anyway?" Why is it when you needed someone the most, she's not there for you? Just leaving you hangging. Nothing to hold on to but just memories that's already gone. Fallacies!? Is it my fault things turned out this way? I think the problem with me is I can't let go. But let go of WHAT? Maybe, just maybe, she gave up everything to me, then found out I'm not worthy , and took it back from me. OBLIVION falled down on me. (OBLIVION=State of being totally forgotten) I Guess I'll be living in Oblivion.

I'm silently screeming. If you may, I've wrote an essay to her. READ:

I wanted you to read this today and again from time to time and let this be a reminder of how much I Care and Love You. I want you to read this so I can let you know that the memories you have given me are the best and most treasured feelings in my life, and the Love we had shared together can't be measured... by words or even time. The feelings were so precious and the thoughts of you were so valuable. Even though things didn’t work out like we planned, and we ended parting our ways. I wanted you to read this and let this be a reminder and let you see and feel that I still Care and Love You. I wanted you to read this and remind you everyday that one point in our relationship we shared the same feelings. Feelings that made us say that we have found each other, and feelings of finding the person we will spend the rest of our lives. Just the thoughts of you, I could say this to you every single day of my life, because you are my Life. Sorry if I may have hurt you. Sorry… really sorry…because the enormous part of my happiness comes from being with You! I Still Love You!

I'm asking her come back to me, and give it another shot. ANOTHER SHOT!? people say we only have one shot at DESTINY. But then again, we never know what the future may bring us to. Now, I'm really confused. What will I do now. Alot of my friends told me "give it up man" some say "just do whatever makes you happy". Easy for them to say. That's why I have this silent scream. VOICES. Voices screaming, begging, to be heard.

Am I tired of all this?
Tired of WAITING!
WAITING in VAIN
My never ending search for my QUEEN.

"What I got"

I've been thinking alot lately, thinking on what Im going to be in the next chapter of my miserable life. ALONE, waiting in vain. Nobody cares, nobody listens, pure ABYSS. Never ending falling into the pits of ABYSS. Nothing to cling on to, nothing to hold on to. Its just plain old me and myself.

TRYING to pick up the fallen pieces of me. TRYING to be whole again. On the outside I may look ALRIGHT, but on the inside, Im nothing but shattered pieces of broken FAILURES. Coz I think Im such a FAILURE. Will I stand up and be whole again? Pick me up? Will you?

All my life, I've learned to stay away from this dredded 4-letter word. It only brings me REJECTION. It was a very long time since my last failed relationship and I've totally forgotten it and move on to be the best I could be. ALONE. Funny thing is, I've learned to LOVE in the most BIZZARE circumstance. I ask myself, "Is this LOVE that Im feeling?" so I gave it a shot. Now this is my question: "Why should it be you and me, if you are just going to leave me anyway?" I always contemplate on this. Maybe because "Lovin' is What I Got!" the only thing I got. But then again somebody told me that "isn't it tragic when I've got so much LOVE to give yet no one seems to WANT it?"

If Love chooses to leave me, then be it!
GOODBYE to LOVE!?
But all I know,
LOVE is what I got!
Coz Lovin' is the only thing Ive got!

"L-O-V-E"

"Relationships, relationships..."

At my age, I've never imagined being troubled with the dredded four letter word, "L-O-V-E". I've never been so involved with someone in my life before. But, as the saying goes, maybe it was not meant to last. Was I the one responsible? Was I the one to be blamed for the failed relationship?

In my recent relationship, I've learned so much from what Love is. Love has many definitions and I ought to have mine. I learned to get hurt, I learned to expect and wait, coz I learned to LOVE that much. As in that much! The Hardest part is saying sorry and letting go! Yup it was really hard. Until now, I really dont know if I've let go, or am I just plain stupid to ignore that its really over.I've got this tiny feeling that I'm holding on to. A feeling so small but feels right and is screaming "FIGHT for me!". "To be or not to be, that is the question."

Its really hard to let go. So many things, feelings you've already shared. But REJECTION is different. OUCH! hit me BULLSEYE. Hearing the words "its over between you and me!", "wag na lang!", makes me wanna go back to where I belong, makes me feel I'm worthless. It's like 10,000 whip lashes on my back, plus a slash of sharp blade on my neck, then finishing me with a big blow on my heart ripping it out and chrashing it in front of my eyes before i loose my breath and die.

Now, I ask my self, "am i the one that got away?"

Well good luck to me in my never ending quest for my QUEEN!

AMEN

"Updates"

Its been a long time since my last post. Many things had happened and many events had place. So many story to tell, so little time. Posting unto my blogger is also limited. I can’t seem to manage my time these days. I’ve enrolled in my Masteral studies at UST, and I’m currently working as a librarian, as in full time work. Then I got this 3 unit class every Friday morning for three hours. Its quite a challenge for me teaching. I didn’t see my self, standing in front of a class teaching, but here I am, and I’m getting a hang of it.

Teka masyado na naman akong formal. Ahehehe. Mas malakas pala ang dating pag sa sariling wika kosinulat ang nilalaman ng aking damdamin. Hindi naman masyadong pormal kaya payagan mo na akong managalog. At wala din lamang akong balak na ipabasa ang aking blogs sa mga foreigner.