"Longest Night of the Year"

The winter solstice marks the shortest day and the longest night of the year. The sun appears at its lowest point in the sky, and its noontime elevation appears to be the same for several days before and after the solstice. Hence the origin of the word solstice, which comes from Latin solstitium, from sol, "sun" and -stitium, "a stoppage." Following the winter solstice, the days begin to grow longer and the nights shorter.

"I'm not O.K."

this is the time when I say "It's not F*ckin' fair!". Yeah, although I know that this world is not perfect and its alright because LIFE itself is not really fair. But what the hell! It really felt good when I say "It's not F*ckin' fair!" Here is why!

I wanted to do things that I've already planned to do but I can't because there's things that need to come first before these things push through. Priority is the right word, I think!

Next, It's not really fair missing a handful of persons but you can't reach them. Really sad. I missed them so badly! I just don't know why. I want to get in touch with them but something is bothering me not to do it. It's like this, there is a door in between us and all I need to do is knock. Or maybe it's both ways. There is a door between us but we were both afraid to touch it and knock. I guess thats why it's really fucking unfair! So much for me, all I can do is just type this things I need to get out of my chest.

I've been wandering around for so long. I've been doing great if you ask me, but there is still something missing in me. I've been very busy thinking of other things but I've totally forgot about myself. What about me? What about ton2x? It's really fucking unfair when someone wants to be a part of me but I chose to deny it. I judt don't know if I missed a great opportunity or what. Haayyyy! Pls. ton2x, make up your mind... Although you know it's really difficult, I think I need to make a decision. Hay! siguro let's get drunk later to make this more interesting. Hmm, sounds great. It's a fucking cruel world, if it hurts, alcohol is an anaesthesia! Cheers...

"My Casio G-Shock"

I got this Casio G-Shock DW-004 back in July 1999. A birthday present for my self that time. I have used it for so long but then the face of the watch started to wear out. I've thrown it away somewhere in my room. Yesterday I brought my fathers Casio Watch to the Casio service center to have it's battery changed. Then I ask the watch repairman if it is possible to replace my broken G-Shock (pic on the left). He immediately took out a catalog of different G-Shock models and ask me to identify what type of watch do I have. I immediately identified my G-Shock then looked for the parts if they have. Fortunately they have. So, I immediately went home to have my watch fixed. And with that, my 6 yr. Old watch came back to life with a new face, black and gray, and I'm wearing it right now. NICE one! Next week I'm planning to buy a new wrist band for it.

"Merry Christmas"

It's been a while since I've put something here. I can't say I'm busy; or maybe its just there’s so many things to say yet I can’t seem to find where to begin. Well, the hardest thing really is writing an introduction to your journal. So here it is, what had happened these last few weeks, in random order of course.

Eric came back from being a seaman; we went out on a Thursday night with his girlfriend and some of her friends. Good old days! Too bad I can’t get drunk because there is work the next day. Then the week after we went out, Eric and I. We went to Xymaca in Timog. Reggae sounds man. I was so drunk! I didn’t even notice I’ve consumed too much vodka. Then, we head out to drink some more beer. I can’t imagine I’ve consumed that much alcohol in one night. I got home around 5:30 AM.

Next, It was followed by a series of drinking and Saturday night out with friends, the usual routine of course. Then we had a long vacation from work. Four days, so, I went to my cousin’s and played this new PS2 game Castlevania: curse of darkness. I was fascinated how the characters and enemies moved in 3D because most of the enemies are the enemies on Castlevania: symphony of the night. I spent most of the time there playing this game. It has very fascinating graphics and story line.

I’ve received my 13th month pay first week of December. The first thing I did was sending my Yamaha G-55A classical guitar to guitar hospital. Arie took care of it as expected. I’ll share pictures of my guitars in the future. Then I bought a new gig bag. Next on my list is to buy a new gig bag or hard shell for my Flying V guitar.

Last week my father got this Bell’s Palsy, some nerves on his face got affected. He is now undergoing treatment everyday at the Lourdes Hospital in Mandaluyong. Hope everything works out well. I also bought a couple of things for my self this Christmas season. I got this 2 disc DVD of the film The Doors starring Val Kilmer and Meg Ryan, and directed by Oliver Stone. Here are other DVD’s I’ve got for my collection: Voltes V, Audio Slave: Live in Cuba, and Starwars episodes 1, 2, & 3. Then the latest record I got is the Eraserhead tribute album, Ultraelectromagneticjam. I’ll Have a review on this later on.

"Maninging Shines"

Maningning C. Miclat: A known painter and multi-awarded poet who leapt to her death from the 7th floor of the FEU in Recto. Here is one of her creation.

Ginugunita Kita #2
Maningning C. Miclat

Marikit na tala ang tanglaw sa dilim,
Sa halimuyak ng matamis na hangin,
Sa gubat ng gabi ay hinihintay ko.
Mga kislap ng nilimot na pangako.

Habang may hapdi ang sugat ng kahapon,
Di maalpasan ang diwang nakakahon,
Inaawit ang kundiman ng pagsinta
Sa dalamhati ng pusong umaasa.

Ginuguni-gunita kita,
Binubuo sa alaala.
Pinapanga-pangarap ka.
Inuukit sa haraya.

"Updates"

I've been busy this past week. So many thins to do yet don't know wehere to start. Well this has been my latest. I've made an animation of myself. Check it out and tell me what you think. You may use these 2 pics for my link on you page. If you want. chow!

"My workstation"

My PC workstation here at work. Just wanted to share this. Hopefully it will be replaced with a new and with much higher specifications by December this year or January Next year. Hoping for the best. Here it is, low tech style.

"Healthy Eating is Healthy Living!"

This morning I went to our Clinic here to get my weight. Wow I'm down to 73 Kilos from 85 Kilos. So I decided to reward my self with this tasty but healthy lunch which I ate a while ago.
Chicken Balls with BB-Q sauce, Mash potato with a little gravy.

"Stuck in -ESREVER-"

I feel so tired today. So many work to be done but it seems I’m not in my 100% enthusiasm. So much work, yet less compensated. Haaaayy! I just don’t know if I wrote the right words that would describe my feelings right now. I need the money badly, my gawd! What am I saying!? But nonetheless I really need the money for so many things. No! It’s not what you think. I totally need some cash right now to solve problems.

“Fix”

It really took some time for me to let Cold Play’s X & Y album sink into me. As expected I only appreciated the last 2 albums after listening to it for a while. Maybe it’s their trademark. Not lot like other songs that really get your attention that fast. I just love the words of Chris Martin. The song “Fix you” caught my attention first. The fact that it has wonderful lyrics, (which I always look for in a song) the way it sounds, and the progression of the song adds’ up to the totality of it being a hit. The lyrics just hit me bulls’ eye and the music just makes it more believing that the words used in the lyrics really came from the heart. Now, I dosed my self listening to “fix you” again and again. Then I started picking up my guitar and started playing the song. In a matter of minutes I began playing the major chords of the song. That went on for almost a week as seen on my last blog about Cold Play. Then I started listening to other tracks of the album and noticed there is a hidden track included. Then it dawned on me how wonderful the X & Y album is. Really! Some songs included gives a makes-me-want-to-cry feeling and at the same time the feeling of failing and winning at the same time for after all these feeling just reminds us that we are just humans. We live; we die, but death does not end it because we leave our legacy behind. We laugh, we cry, we love, we hate, but its all part of being human, to be imperfect, to have defects. These imperfections gives spice in our very life. If we are born perfect, then there is no reason why we should stay in this imperfect world. Because the truth is, we need someone to balance these imperfections in one way or another. We look for this special entity that would balance our life. The one that will let us cry but then make us laugh, the one that let’s us know what is hate and love and its difference. The one that will make us know how it feels to be lonely but also knows how to give us serene happiness. Well that’s just me. I know reaching this part is quiet difficult for you. Am I being boring? Boring or not boring, I guess it’s part of my imperfection in writing this entry. So here is another line from Cold Plays “What if” from X & Y album:

What if there was no light
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

What do you think!?

"Saturday night!"

First of all, the pictures. Here is a link of our pictures taken last November 3-4, 2005 in our Laguna outing.
Click here!

Another Saturday night out. I was out late Saturday night with my friends again. Sorry there are no pictures taken on that night. And YES! I was out again after the longest time. Yes again, I was with my buddy Tonyo. It was not the usually Saturday night in Malate. Its almost 1 AM but still there were so many people walking around Nakpil and Adriatico Streets in Malate. As usual, we always love to go clubbing. We love club music that time of day. My friend was pissed after staying for almost an hour in Common Ground because the DJ keep on playing tunes we don’t usually dig. I think the DJ has a different genre on that time. He keeps on playing somewhat of a tribal thingy. So after a couple drinks we headed for Clubbers Guide down stairs. I think I got a Smirnoff and a beer during that time. Clubbers Guide is Jam packed with people. Now what do we do? We usually stay on the Bar. As I would always say to my friends, “It’s a F**king BAR!” Nobody stays that long on that place. Well the night just started to unfold on me. House music was playing loud with kicking bass. I’m started to feel the groove when this chick caught my attention. She was looking at me straight in the eye from across the bar. I just didn’t mind her cause I was thinking is just usual for chicks to be as straight and forward on that place. Well, I think she’s really hot. I mean, I haven’t been out for so long and I missed those kinds of look. Then the night went along as house and club music fills the place with people dancing carelessly to the tune. My friends got a place to sit so I immediately followed them. Then again I saw the same girl. Yes, much closer and much better to see. She was just wearing a pair of jeans and a baby tee. I don’t know what made me stare at her that long. Maybe because looking on something nice and beautiful is really GOOD. It was that moment when suddenly you look at someone and when you look at her she was already looking at you. Then I suddenly felt something after seeing her looking at me. It was like giving it up. These things happen to me but I always look and stare back, but this one is different and I don’t know why. After a few seconds, I then again have another look on this chick. Then, I saw her dancing. Wow she was so hot. I just don’t know, but it was kind of a seductive move what she was doing. And it worked on me. At the back of my mind I know she is doing it on purpose. My senses came and took me to the next level of this euphoric state of mind. You see, I don’t know this chick but it took only a single move to bring me to a different place. She was dancing wildly. It was like I look at her dancing and everything is just a blur, even the sound. You get the picture. The only thing I see clearly was her dancing and everything was just a background, even the sounds. Wow! What a rush. And really I was enjoying watching her dancing that way. All the right moves. Then I suddenly saw this tattoo on her. As her shirt went up while moving I saw her tattoo. Then my senses came back. I don’t have anything against tattoo, in fact I like them, but that really didn’t fit the picture. Got it! I don’t know this chick but she made me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. BLISS!

"Coldplay's X & Y"

Finally I got a hold on this album yesterday. I was suppose to put links and pictures of my last trip with my officemates in laguna here, but I'm so much in a hurry today. Actually it's just my lunch break and I'm just listening to X & Y now while doing this. I was really looking forward on listening to Coldplay's new album back then, but havent got the chance to until yesterday. I was struck by the words Chris Martin used on the song "Fix you". Here is a google search for the lyrics. It has more impact to me how Martin sings the song. Makes me want to "cry" or have the feeling of being "Helpless" and at the same time "Feel good" about it because after all we are just human. I'll higlight the words thats has impact on me.

Fix You
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

"What do you think?"

"Back to work"

After a week long semestral break, tomorrow is back to work. New challenges I see. New challenging work I expect. Well I had fun on this one week vacation. We and the library staff went to Laguna. Expect pictures in my nest post. By the way I added something on my sidebar some kind of slideshow, enjoy!

"Day-of-the-dead"
November 1 is knowm as "Todos los santos" or "undas" here in the Philippines. Yesterday I went to Laloma to see the graves of my relatives. May they all rest in peace!


My Lolo and Lola's grave
Mass celebration of Fr. Bong on my Tito & tita's grave
Louie boy and Me

"PINOY BIG BROTHER"
I'm not much of a fan of this reality show. In fact I don't watch it. The only reason I'm updated with this is of my officemates. They talk it all during lunch time. Until such time that they recieved an email claiming that PBB is just a rip off. I mean the show is allegedly scripted. The only thing I loved about this PBB is the main theme. Yes the song "Pinoy ako!" But after stumbling to this site TheCare-Chandeliers I had doubts about orange and lemmons. All I can say is you be the judge. Anyway music is UNIVERSAL!
You can download the .mp3 file and listen to it.
TheCare-Chandeliers (.zip)
TheCare-Chandeliers (.mp3)

Now you be the judge!
Log on to this site too: http://www.nestlepoell.net/v3/ Thanks Poell

"Got to get you into my life"

I just remember this song by the Beatles, the last time I used it a status in my Yahoo messenger, I think there were three friends of me PM me about that song. It was fun when they reacted differently. Monnette asked my "Who?" Christian Enriquez was bother who sung the song and was thinking of it during his lunch time. Carlito on the other hand loved this song too. Any way, yesterday I went to UST to enroll myself for my M.A. I don't know where I would get my money for the tuition, but I still pre-enroll myself. While thinking of it I took a picture of the UST main building from the place where I'm sitting behind the trees.

That's it.

"Trip to Bataan"

Once again I went to Letran Bataan. I think we left at 9am yesterday. I was a rainy morning when we left Manila to Bataan. We ate on a roadside in Lubao, Pampanga. Lunch was very tasty but unfortunately I didn't got to take pictures. Well here is a view of the mountains surrounding the administration building of Letran Bataan taken from an open window.

This was taken around 1:00PM before it started to get foggy and raining. It las like The PS game "Silent Hill" it was so foggy. This next picture was also taken from the window where I was looking. Its a dead bird. According to the people there the bird is called "bato-bato" some what or look like a pigeon to me. According to one of the tenants there, they died after hitting the glass window of the building thinking it was trees while it was just a reflection from the glass windows. Poor bird!

Quite an exiting trip. We almost didn't make it to Letran Bataan because of the rough road, but luckily the road is still passable.

"Astro"

I just got this ASTRO Cigarette from Eric Montero, an officemate. ASTRO is a song from RadioActiveSagoProject. If you want to listen and read the lyrics just click here. The song is so groovy. I think Astro cigarette is available only in the Mindanao region. Here is another photo of me holding ASTRO:

"Gloomy Wednesday"

It's again gloomy this morning, So I brought my umbrella and my jacket with me. But I can see the rays of the sun now. Just wanted to share this to you because it is so Ironic how we set qualifications for the right person to LOVE, but at the back of our minds, the person we LOVE will always be an exemption! READ:

Six o'clock in the morning
I open my eyes and think about you
I thought it was like a never ending fairy tale
And I am alone in my bedroom, looking at the ceiling
Thinking about what we have or we done
I was thinking about our life together
Thinking about our love
And the only thing I know is
That I'm in love with you

That I'm in love with you

"Hope you like it."

"Where are you!?"

Its a gloomy tuesday morning. I feel like writing something on my blog. I was thinking of this for a while now. I just realized this yesterday after reading a post from SHELLY'S GALAXY, too bad she does not keep her archives on. Well, it's about Kitchie Nadal (photo courtesy of titikfilipino.com) and her song Same Ground. Yes, I listen to her song. I thinks it's also another sign that I wrote this. Before coming to the office, I passed by Mcdonalds and guess what? Kitchie is the commercial model for the twister fries. She looks pretty holding that fries. Well back to the song, I been thinking of it way way back. here are the lines that made me think and listen to it closely:

When all else fail,Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,Would you be brave to see right through me?

It's the same question I've been asking. Just like U2's song "I still haven't found what I'm looking for". It's the same question other people would ask to themselves, like me, not brave enough to admit because I'm a man.
But anyway, I think these questions will remain unanswered if you don't look for the answers, and I literally found the answer to these 2 questions. Yeah, its in the same album of Kitchie in the sone "Your Worthy". Actually the same lines on the Same Ground song were also on this song. Here are the lines in the Chorus. If you have the album listen to it carefully.

Reveal yourself to me.
I want to bleed with you ‘til that day comes.
I want to build my world around you,
With no inclination to fear reason, passion, desire
You are worthy.Of all...
When all else fail,Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,Would you be brave to see right through me?

For complete lyrics of the song your worthy click here.
Assesment: The person that will answer these question, WHERE ARE YOU!

"Finale"

It's finals week. Good thing I only had 2 subjects in my MA course. My first subject didn't require a final exam. She just gave us a tremendous research work and report it in class. That will serve as our final exam. The other subject is "St. Thomas in Critical Thinking" translation: LOGIC. It was one hell of an exam. I just don't know if I did very well. But none the less I've tried and did what I can do. Whew!, its trully a difficult exam. Anyway, Its almost over. I hope I can manage and enroll myself again for the second semester.

Meanwhile while playing with my guitar last night, I stmbled on this U2 record. (Record album photo on the side). Its quiet an intervention, last week I was looking for a DVD to watch and then I stmbled on this two U2 DVD in my collection. One is U2 live in Boston and the other one was U2 the Joshua tree. Well, at that time, I stopped playing and got my walkman and popped in the record. As usual, I was again amazed on their song "With or without you" They did a good job writing that song during the 80's. If you have listened to it, you might think is not meant for the 80's. It sounds more of a music in the 90's.

“With Or Without You” became their biggest hit, topping the US charts for three weeks, while The Joshua Tree became one of the fastest-selling albums of all time. The track works on two distinct levels. For millions of fans it’s a straightforward love song best summed up by the lines “I can’t live/ With or without you” – an emotion surely felt at some time by almost anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship. But as singer Bono has admitted, the song also addresses his own insecurities and anxieties. The lines “And you give yourself away/ And you give yourself away” represent his fears about being in band, about literally giving himself away when he bares his soul in lyrics and interviews. Musically, the song is something of a slow burner, with The Edge’s understated guitar and Bono’s subdued vocals building gradually towards a towering climax. However you interpret it, it’s an immensely powerful and popular song. I just really admire the way The Edge played his "infinite guitar" on that song.

If you want to hear the song, here it is. Not that in good sound quality but at least you can have an idea on what I'm talking about. Play it below. U2 rocks!!

"Out again!"

It was one of those nights that make me think "Im not really that old for this!"

After some time, I've been out of whats happening around. I stopped going out on saturday nights because of my Masteral studies and I wanted to rest. But on this Saturday night, I wanted to have a really good time. I missied drinking, I missied ordering at the bar, I missied clubbing, I missised the crowded places where people just hold their drinks and everyone was dancing and having a good time. I missed the HOUSE music. Wow! It was around 12MN and it was already sunday, but the night is still young as they say. We headed out to Malate. We usually hang out in Danny's Grill in QC, then Decades, but for this night, we decided to take it to the extra mile. The destination: clubs in Malate. Usually, people got angry when they are stuck in traffic, but we are so damn happy about it. Its 12MN and there is still traffic in Adriatico. Meaning: Lots of people. We then parked somewhere and headed to see what we are getting into.

First stop, check the places. After a few minutes of walking we decided to check out the top three places we have decided to see. We planned to stay at least 30 mins on each. First stop VERB. The place was not that crowded, but its a jump start for us to get to feel what is in store for us in the coming hours. After a few drinks of beer, we are off to the next destination. Infront of VERB is CLUBBERS GUIDE. We immediately got in. Man it was so crowded that night. The reason: Booty shaking contest night. Whew! I manage to drag myself into the crowd and headed for the bar. Jorge, went for a classic sanmig light, tonyo wnated to go the extra mile and ordered Kamikaze, as for me, I got this Smirnoff vodka drink. Yeah! everybody was shouting on the girl dancing on stage. And we kinda enjoyed it. Everyboday was having a freaking good time. Then after the show, we got out and went to the nearest club, COMMON GROUND. I remember going there first back in the nineties. This time it really looked and feel different. As usual the place was crowded too. We just hang out there having a couple of drinks again and talk about how long we have been doing this. I was fun you know. I was just there sitting while watching all the pretty girls passed by. Some are cute, some are hot. There is this one that even asked to a light. I don't smoke no more but what the hell, i'ts a good thing there is one lighter just beside me. I got home around 5:30 AM and the first thing I noticed when I woke up. The marks on my arm bearing the places we've been. It was really one of those nights that we go out and just have a good time. Friends: Lets do it again!

The Evidence!

"TGIF"
Last friday was a blast. Even though lots of things are need to be finished, dead lines to meet at the office we manage to have fun at lunch break. It's Marivic's Birthday Celebration at the office. Her birthday was last October 10, but she intended to celerate it with us last friday. She just order McChicken at McDonalds. The fun part was the pictures.

Here are some of the pictures, Click the photos to see the whole album.

"17 SEVENTEEN"

17 seconds of compassion
17 seconds of peace
17 seconds to remember love is the energy behind which all is created
17 seconds to remember all that is good
17 seconds to forget all your hurt and pain
17 seconds of faith
17 seconds to trust you again
17 seconds of radiance
17 seconds to send a prayer up
17 second is all you really need

"Intruder Alert!"

Yesterday, was just an ordinary day for me. The usual busy schedule of work, things to do, and places to go. I was very busy on that day. Particularly deadlines to meet. Then I need to go to La Salle taft to buy 2 books and head for National Bookstore Recto to buy another one. These were all accounting books. On my way home I dropped by at Cartimar Recto to see whats new with the scene there. Well, theres nothing much there to see. Quite the same as ever. I just happen to get attarch by this "Coffin Bag". Its a normal bag, but its shape like a Coffin with a big red cross in front. By the way, the coffin is 6 sided, pretty much like the coffin of Dracula. After feasting my facination over this item, I decided to head home. I usually got off at España, Blumentrit, but decided to go for Welcome Rotonda. At a magazine stand there near KFC i saw the latest issue of FHM (Oct. 2005). As usual, I have to buy it. Its Angel Locsin on the cover(see photo left). I went home and proceed to my usual routine. I even had a hair cut that night.

At around 9PM I decided to go to sleep but then I remembered I just bought the October issue of FHM. So I got it out of my bag and immediately opened it. My first stop eveytime I read FHM is the "Ladies' confessions" I Really love those stories as told by those ladies. Then the cover babes. Then, the letter senders. But then I suddenly stand up to my suprise to see my picture published. It was on the Intruder of the Month section of FHM. I only remember sending it to FHM for a very long time. Well FHM, thank you so much. It's a treasured memory of ME and Marty Friedman of Megadeth when he went to the country plus publishing it on your prestigious mag. Your October 2005 issue will surely be one of my collectors item. I might even showthis to my grand children.

"Nostalgia"

Remember Titanic? Yes the famous movie of Kate Winslet and Leonardo. I just happened to get this old file from my file folders. The main character of the film is Jack and Rose. Here is the sketch of Rose wearing the Heart of the ocean by Jack.
"Paint me wearing only this"

"ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND"

I was in Abucay, Bataan yesterday. After arriving in Letran Manila, I immediate went home. I got home at around 5pm and immediately headed to my room to get some rest. It’s a 2-½ hrs travel from Manila to Bataan and vice-versa.

I usually pop a record on my player, but this time I opened up the Boob tube (television). It was on HBO and I happened to catch this nice film. Oh well here is, my review.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Plot:
Joel (Jim Carrey) is stunned to discover that his girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has had her memories of their tumultuous relationship erased. Out of desperation, he contacts the inventor of the process, Dr. Howard Mierzwiak (Tom Wilkinson), to have Clementine removed from his own memory.

But as Joel's memories progressively disappear, he begins to rediscover their earlier passion. From deep within the recesses of his brain, Joel attempts to escape the procedure. As Dr. Mierzwiak and his crew (Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo, Elijah Wood) chase him through the maze of his memories, it's clear that Joel just can't get her out of his head.

Summary:
On a Valentine Day, Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) feels the impulse of going to Montauk instead of working. After spending the cold day on the beach, he meets Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet) on the train station and they have a crush on each other. Joel and Clementine do not know that they were mates in the past. Joel has just erased Clementine from his memories when he found that Clementine did exactly the same, when their relationship ended. However, along his erasing process, Joel becomes astonished when he finds that he still loves Clementine and he does not want to lose her, fighting for keeping the memories of their moments together instead.

This is a part in the film I really loved when Joel is about to loose the last memory of Clementine in his head.

Clementine: This is it Joel. It's going to be gone soon.

Joel: I know.

Clementine: What do we do?

Joel: Enjoy it.

My two cents:
It’s typical for us to say that we have already forgotten a certain person who once came into our life. In certain cases, yes, we have totally forgotten. But after watching this film, I’ve realized something that was already inert in each of us: The mind will forget but the heart will always remember. This film is not your typical romantic movie. It’s an all-new experience of falling in love and getting into a relationship. You cannot change the past, so lets just erase it. But truly, we cannot cheat and hide the past. So, we cannot say that we truly forgotten someone, for it will always stay in our heart. Good or bad, it will always make us what we are today. No matter what, it will always be there for it is a part of us.

For this film Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, I give it 5 out of 5.
Amazing catch it on HBO this month or get the DVD.

"What a week!"

This week was a very busy week. I went to Bataan twice, But the highlight of this week is the Letran Knights bringing home the bacon in the 81st season of the NCAA.

Letran Knights Captures 81st NCAA Title


WITH all the marbles at stake, Letran College made sure there wouldn’t be any fourth quarter collapse this time.

The Knights displayed tremendous poise in the final frame on their way to dethroning the Philippine Christian U Dolphins, hammering a 62-54 win in the deciding Game 3 of the 81st NCAA men’s basketball Finals last night at the jam-packed Araneta Coliseum.

The win not only avenged the Intramuros-based dribblers’ heartbreaking semifinal defeat against PCU last year, but it gave the school its league-leading 16th overall title in the country’s oldest collegiate cage league.

“God is so good,” said Letran coach Louie Alas, who was named the tournament’s Coach of the Year. “I’d like to commend the boys for the hardship despite all the problems we went through this season.

”We watched PCU win the title last season, and my players promised me that we’ll win next year. Then after losing Game 1, I reminded my players that they have to honor that promise. Eto na ‘yun,” he added.

It was the third NCAA title for Alas, guiding the Knights to the championship in 1998 and 2003.

Though Letran was sometimes uncertain in the sudden death game against a formidable opponent in PCU that is capable of bouncing back after a humiliating 60-78 loss in Game 2 last Wednesday, Alas never doubted his players’ determination to win the championship.

“Nakita ko ‘yung resiliency and toughness sa kanila, kaya alam ko, kahit na minsan may duda at alam namin malakas ang kalaban, amin itong championship na ‘to,” said the 37-year-old Alas.

Boyet Bautista, the 21-year-old veteran playmaker from Batangas, was named NCAA Press Corps Finals Most Valuable Player (MVP) as he dropped 13 points on top of five rebounds, four assists and two steals.

After the Dolphins moved to within 47-49, Bautista was the glue the held the Knights together and his delivery to JP Alcaraz capped a 7-2 run that gave them the lead for good, 56-49, with 2:34 left to play.

“Talagang gusto namin manalo, hindi lang para sa school kundi pati na rin sa mga ga-graduate ko na teammates this year,” said Bautista, referring to Erick Rodriguez, Mark Andaya, Billy Ray Anabo and Alcaraz.

Alcaraz and Aaron Aban also finished with 13 pointsThe game, which was originally set 3 p.m., was delayed for several minutes after PCU team officials requested the transfer of some 100 Letran supporters occupying seats behind its bench in exchange of Dolphins fans seating on courtside.

But it didn’t deter the Knights’ hot start as they opened the first 10 minutes with a 7-0 run. They even led by 10 points (33-23) on a jumper by Erick Rodriguez with four minutes left in the second period.

Letran was ahead by nine, 38-29, at halftime.

The Scores:
Letran (62) – Aban 13, Bautista 13, Alcaraz 13, Rodriguez 9, Jazul 5, Aldave 4, Andaya 2, Pinera 2, Anabo 1.

PCU (54) – Espinas 15, Sanz 11, Retaga 7, Castro 5, Belga 4, Cecilia 4, Solis 4, Amparado 2, Santos 2, Salansang 0.

Quarter Scores: 23-18; 38-29; 43-41; 62-54.

Copyright © 2005. National Collegiate Athletics Association, Philippines. All rights reserved.

"With a little help from my friends"

Based from the Beatles' 1967 album Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club.
Back in Highschool, there is always this familiar question: What would it be like after high school, after ten years? Last friday me and five of my highschool friends got together. Me, Gale, Ria, Monette, Mike & Vergel. some didn't make it because it was pouring the whole day. We were supposed to see each other last week, but for some reasons, it was cancelled.

It was a rainy friday when I recieved a PM from Monette asking if I'm available later. I immediately answered yes. What can I say, even it was raining all day and all I can think of is go to bed and sleep, I'm excited to see them. I think It's almost a year since we last met. With that I immediately informed Vergel about the gimmick. Monette and I agreed to be in Ria's house later in the evening after work. I think I was the 1st one to be at Rias house at 7:00pm, it was still raining that time and Ria is on the phone with Gale. Gale talked to me as if she can't make it tonight, but later on agreed to join. How could she refuse, we call and texted her from time to time. And so the five of us met at Ria's house. I remember hearing Ria's mom saying, "Ria, may dalawang mama sa labas ng bahay natin, baka kaklase nyo na yun". Yup, it's Vergel and Mike. We got down and got a cab. Tomas Morato, here we come! We ate at Wan Chai a chinese restaurant. But that's not the interesting part. Inside after taking our sit, I saw this Celebrity, an FHM babe, Anna Capri. Wait a minute, there's more. There's a SHOOTING out side the restaurant, I mean they were filming right in front of us, just over our window. I saw another FHM cover babe, LUPE, Andrea Del Rosario, Awww man shes Hot! There is also this extra babe thats really hot too. Anyway back let me get back to the eating part. We ordered a lot of food, as in a lot. Then Gale came. We talked and asked Vergel because we've never seen him since college. One thing I can say is that we really got BIG! as in Tumaba kame.Some us have kids and they were talking about their families. And of course we sometimes compare on what we are back in High School and what we are right now. Who is the Love team back then, Who is the noisiest.

After dinner, we decided to go on a KTV. Fortunately, there was one just on top of the WAN CHAI. The only problem is, the place is jam packed. It's a friday night and its a salary day too. We decided to see Music 21 Plaza, another KTV somewhere in Timog. It was jam packed too. We then decided to walk along Timog and look for a place were we could go. Monette is calling her sister asking where IO KTV is. After talking to her sister we got a cab again and headed for ABS-CBN compound were IO KTV is located. Its just right infront of Dish who happens to be having an NU event and sugarfree will be playing. So we sing our lungs out that night. And yeah! I was the PUNCH LINE that night. At the middle of our singing I went out to peek on Sugarfree. I was able to see them from a small window playing Kwarto and Hari ng sablay. The last song I sung was the Beatle's With a little help from my friends, thats why I chose the title. Then IO closed. But Gale is still up and still wanted to talk. So we head on walking looking for a coffee shop. And we saw BIG BROTHERS HOUSE, not thatbad.The coffee shop nearby was already closed. SO we decided to head back to Tomas Morato, I hate to mention the coffee shop but what the hell, we headed for StarBucks. They ordered and headed upstairs. The nice thing about this, is we got to talk. as in talk seriously about our lives. Not just about how it all was back then, but how are we right now. Makes sense doesn't it. We can never change the past, we can only look back at it and cherish those happy moments. And to you guys, Thank you! As In THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, you all mean a lot to me. Thank You Vergel for that very sumptous Dinner.

Here are the photos:

Mike, Gale, & Vergel

Ton2x with eyes closed, Ria, Monette

"2005 Nestle Non-Stop Rated R Cheerdance Competition"
When: Sept. 7, 2005 (Wednesday)
Time: 2pm
Where: Araneta Coliseum
*Aired LIVE on Studio 23
Order of Performance:
1. Mapua Institute of Technology (Mapua Cheerping Cardinals)
2. Philippine Christian University (PCU Pep Squad)
3. Jose Rizal University (JRU Pep Squad)
4. San Beda College (San Beda Cheerleading Association)
5. University of Perpetual Help System Dalta (UPHSD Pep Squad)
6. San Sebastian College (Golden Stags Pep Squad)
7. Colegio de San Juan de Letran (Letran Cheering Squad)
8. DLSU-College of St. Benilde (CSB Green Peppers)

Results:
Champion - UPHSD - 90.33
2nd Place - San Sebastian - 83.99
3rd Place - Letran - 82.99
The rest:
4.PCU
5.San Beda
6.San Sebastian
7.Mapua
8.Benilde

I was there the whole time, It was fun! I feel like im back in time during my college years. Letran really cooks. They have a really good performance and outfit, too bad they made few mistakes. I'm not saying this because I'm connected to Letran, but they really deserve to win. here are some pictures.

The Letran Cheering Squad.

Me with the Cheer Leader.

"High Fidelity"

My top songs mala “High Idelity” as of today.
Click on the title to view the lyrics and hear the song, click the back button on your browser to go back to my page. Enjoy.

My top 3 Break up songs
1. The Day You Said Goodnight – Hale
2. Stay – Cushe
3. Before I let you go – Freestyle

My top 3 “Pledge of Love” songs
1. You’ll be safe here – Rivermaya
2. Kahit kailan – South Boarder
3. Till they take my heart away – Kyla

My top 3 “Sawi” songs
1. Ang pag-ibig kong ito – Moonstar88
2. Let me be the one – Jimmy Bondoc
3. Same ground – Kitchie Nadal

My top 3 “reminds me of someone special” songs
1. Wag na wag mong sasabihin – Kitchie Nadal
2. 214 – Rivermaya
3. Prom - Sugarfree

My top 3 “makes me want to cry” songs
1. Kwarto – sugarfree
2. Crazy for you – Sponge Cola
3. Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka – Regine Velasquez

My top 3 “Groovy” songs
1. Astro – Radio Active Sago Project
2. Jumbo Hotdog – Masculados
3. First day Funk – Parokya ni Edgar

My top 3 “feel good” songs
1. Rainbow – South Boarder
2. Sige – 6 Cycle Mind
3. Kasama ka – Coke Commercial by NikkiGil

My top 3 “asa ka pa” songs
1. Torete – Moonstar88
2. Tell me where it hurts – MYMP
3. Minamalas – Mojo Fly

Salamat sa www.tristancafe.com

"Mga larawan ng lumipas na pag-ibig"

-'Kuwarto' SugarFree

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A close friend of mine told me to say goodbye to those photos I posted a week ago. She was right, I do sound PATHETIC. Hahaha :) I'll replace it with this instead. To you my friend. Thank you for believing!

"Confusions"

I have to let this out. I mean it's been a while but I'M still having this terrible feeling. I don't know what's going on. I still thinking of BATUEL. As the song of Orange and Lemons' "hanggang kailan" goes,

Labis na naiinis
Nayayamot sa bawat saglit
Kapag naaalala ka
Wala naman akong magawa

These lines were true and obviously I can relate to it. It's like they made a song for me. I often wonder why things go this way. Sometimes I feel so bad bacause I feel SHE is trying to get away from me. "Sorry I Just really missed you" thats all I can say to myself. I cant blame her, she doesn't need me like I need her in my life. Sometimes leaving it all behind once and for all cross my mind. It did and it felt a little nice. No worries, no waiting in vain, but it also made me think that I can't just give up that easily. I have to fight. And hope to win in the end. Well, prayers can move mountains and thats the only weapon I have to win this struggle. I guess time will tell if its really US. All I need to do is just be myself and express what I really feel. Now, do I sound desperate? Hope not. Hope it's fine with you ME missing YOU! Anyway I don't expect anything in return.

Next. In the past few days, I often reflect on these words:

Love will fly if hels too tightly.
Love will fly if held too lightly.
Lightly or tightly,
How will I know
if I'm still keeping you or letting go?

It all makes sense, but its really confusing. A part of me is saying "it's over" but half of it says "Fight for it". I have to make up my mind somehow. I know one blow would end all of this. I'm thinking either of these 3 options:
1. We got back together.
2. She tells me thats its really over that we are just friends eventhough that ex as friends are just illusions.
or
3. I got to meet someone special who would make me feel everyday is a sunday.
I guess I just have to be myself for now and make myself more interesting to everybody in order to make these three options work. There is always HOPE. I told my self.
My silent scream: "Make me feel how it is to be happy again"
Well, thats for now, next time I'll try to tell everything how I feel through music. Particularly the lyrics of a song.
(10072004)

"Audioslave - Out of Exile"
-Track list-
1.Your Time Has Come 2.Out of Exile 3.Be Yourself 4.Doesn't Remind Me 5.Drown Me Slowly 6.Heaven's Dead 7.The Worm 8. Man or animal 9.Yesterday to Tomorrow 10.Dandelion 11.#1 Zero 12.The Curse

Info about the band and their 2005 album
(Information source is here.)
Audioslave: Chris Cornell (vocals); Tom Morello (guitar); Timothy Commerford (bass guitar); Brad Wilk (drums). Engineers: Brian Virtue; Thom Russo; Jim Scott. Recording information: Cello Studios, Hollywood, California; Akademie Mathematique, Los Angeles, California; Sunset Sound, Los Angeles, CA. OUT OF EXILE presents a band that has grown comfortably into its own skin. Three years after Audioslave's highly successful debut, the supergroup crafted a truly formidable rock album with a fresh, live-in-the-studio rawness. Former Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello rolls back the distortion subtly, playing with a notably more melodic touch, best evidenced on "Heaven's Dead" and "Dandelion." Soundgarden's Chris Cornell's weathered voice at times walks a perilous ledge, yet never to a fault--that very danger and heartfelt soulfulness are part and parcel of his revered approach. The heady and poetic "#1 Zero" and "Be Yourself" strongly uphold Cornell's consummate lyrical prowess. OUT OF EXILE could hardly be an Audioslave record without a crop of head-thrashing, foot-stomping riffs, as revealed in "Your Time Has Come," "The Worm," and the powerful title track. Bassist Tim Commerford remains supportive and inventive in his playing, while Brad Wilk notches up his drumming considerably, taking chances and stretching beyond his dependable grooves on the band's first release. With the crack production and mixing of Rick Rubin and Brendan O'Brien, respectively, OUT OF EXILE raises the bar for the quartet on all levels.

I'm listening right now to Audioslaves new album. My favorite song as of the moment is tracks 3 & 4. they are both feel good songs. The guitars are great and the voice of Chris makes me feel There is HOPE. Really nice lyrics they got there, not bad for a second album. TIP: listen to this tracks when you are feeling down. Audiosalve really cooks.

" :( "

I really don't know, but i'm not contended in the past few days. Nakakatawa ngang isipin na ang gulo gulo ng laman ng isip ko. Listen to this: Bakit yung taong MAHAL mo AYAW sa iyo, tapos yung taong MAHAL ka AYAW mo, at yung taong MAHAL mo AYAW sya ng MAHAL nya. Di ba ang gulogulo?
Kung pwede lang sana na yung mahal mo mahal ka din at magmamahalan na tayo FOREVER. Kaso ganito talaga ang buhay. Magulo at masalimuot.

But all I know, I have this feelings thats not ready to give up. I still have my fighting spirit eventhough sometimes I feel this feeling is not worth fighting for. In time I hope I'll understand all of this. I don't really expect anything in return because for all I care is that I'm happy in what I'm doing. You can't blame me, "ganito lang talaga siguro ang MAGMAHAL". I just accept the feelings this special someone can give me. No expectations really. Sometimes I'm down, but I can still manage. This BLOG helps you know. Kinda eases the pain because it's like talking to someone that surely understands what I'm going trough.

Really I'm not giving up. Do I sound hopeless? I don't really know. Because I still believe we could still be US. I just take it one step at a time. Always praying to God to give me hope and most of all to give her strenght to LOVE me again. AMEN...

"Still here!?"

I know your still here...
Dont you worry,
I know.
thanks for being here.

It was nice.
I'm so glad.

May God give us more strenght!
Strenght to LOVE again.

"Lonely"

In the las couple of days, I really feel this emptiness inside me. I feel Lonely. So ALONE. I don't know why. Maybe because it's true. As if I'm always reaching out to anybody. But still I end up being left alone. Well maybe it's just me. Honestly, I don't like that kind of feeling. I'm always looking forward on meeting SOMEONE who would make me COMPLETE. Who would appreciate even the small things I do. HOPING you holding me at my side...

... Still...
...Alone...

...back again...

...sssshhhhhhh.....
...Still I CARE...

...Still I Love...

"When it's really over"
Just got this, READ! This might be interesting.

This is one of the mornings after another sleepless night that I cannot help not ask myself, why didn't I have agood night sleepagain? Then I would just joke myself and answer it with, maybe someone's been thinking of me all night.... hahaha! Jokes are always half-meant, a friend once said. And maybe...just maybe, behind that joke, there's this wishful thinking that someone has really been thinking of me. Then the memory of someone from the past would, again, bounce in my head... disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable. What if SHE's thinking about me? What if SHE still loves me? It's just another imagination, I know. Another dayof what if's and maybe's. For the nth time, I've told myself that when it's over, it's really over! There's no sense turning back or even trying to pick up the pieces again. It's time to move on and face the reality! When it's over, is it really over? When you decide to let go, doyou really succeed in letting go? I just heard the latest song of Sugar Ray awhile ago. Here's the few lines that caught myattention: "When it's over, That's the time I fall in loveagain... When it's over, That's the time you're in myheart again..". How can you possibly say it's over when you're still in love with the person you said you were over with already? I guess it's not that easy when the chain of the past locks you in the chest of false hopes and leads you to a place called fantasy with Cinderella and Snow white as your best friends! How pathetic! But, admit it or not, it's true... The hardest part of losing a loved one is to accept the fact that they're gone and migh never come back again. There are things that will always remind you of your togetherness... the places you've been, his or her favorite food you used to cook for him or her, expressions you used to hear from him or her and songs you've both loved to sing.> These are the memories that linger on your mind from time to time.Because you were both in love before (or so you think), it makes you hope for another chance. You begin to believe on what others said that love is lovelier the second time around and the line from Ally McBeal, "whoever said that 'plenty of fish in the sea' thing is lying. Sometimes, there's only one...trust me." We would desperately believe that what happens in the movies might also happen to us one day. Who didn't like the lines from the movie "Runaway Bride" where Julia Roberts told Richard Gere, "I guarantee that we'll have toughtimes; I guarantee that in some point, one of us would want to get out; I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret this for the rest of my life, 'coz I know in my heart... you're the only one for me." We tend to think that the person who left us will come back one day and say those words, or just simple words but would promise forever. Problems may occur every now and then, but we would consider those things as trials to be conquered in order for the relationship to bloom and mature. Oouucchh! Reality just hit me! More often than not, these romantic movies and mushy love songs only make us long for something we cannot have... and for someone who cannot be ours again. It hurts to admit that we are just pretending. Allthe while, we already knew the truth but we ignore it. When the damage is done, there's nothing left to do but cry... to mourn for the bitterness in our hearts. Then curse anybody who gets in the way. I'm scared!! As long as we still hold on to the past, the chance of meeting someone new may be a bit far off the field. The fear of trusting and falling in love again may also hinder us to grow and move on. We are hesitant to take the risk, afraid that we may get hurt again. Because of the negative thoughts stocked in our brains, we refuse to go out from our self-made world and deprive ourselves from new opportunities, whether in love affairs or career wise. Let's face it! Betrayal can be anywhere and anyone can be a victim. The worst part is when the one we truly, madly and deeply love is the one who will betray us in the end. Then we are left with nothing but a broken heart and wounded pride. Sad... but true. Reality check please... It can happen to anyone but we shouldn't just take things as itcomes.An action must be done. We should take care of ourselves from the hungry wolves in the jungle. It's just a matter of survival. Standup when you fall. It's okay to cry as hard and as long as you want to, just make sure that when you stop crying, youwon't cry for the same reason anymore. Learn and live. Love is the most wonderful thing one can offer, so be smart enough to give the love in your heart to the one who really deserves it.
Amen to that!

"Busy"

Last week was a busy week for me. So many things to be done yet so little time. Heavy traffic hit Manila last monday night. Due to heavy rains for just 30 minutes, I was stuck in traffic for two straight hours. I got home Around 9:30pm. To think I have to get packed for the next days activity. Yes Packed. I went to BATAAN. Abucay, Bataan to be excact. Well, it's not what you think. It's all work baby! But the thing is, I got to travel. I love road trips. I go get to see the site and I was fortunate to be sitting in front beside the driver. It was a two day trip. We stayed in a resort. Never got the chance to dip in the pool, so tired, so little time yet so many things to do. I got home the next day around 10:30pm. But the trip was worth it. Experience wise speaking. Bataan is a quiet place, and the food is cheap too. You can eat a whole lot with less pay. I think this week is going to be busy as well. With all the activies coming and my prelimenary exam, it will sure make me busy. well I have to get ready, I'm going to a ball game. LETRAN vs. UPHR in Cuneta Astrdome this afternoon. till then...

By the way, I was at Batuel's place last night, and I must say, I dont know what came over me. I'm suddenly SHY. It's Gwen's 1st Bday. I don't know what's the right term but I know it's NAIILANG. Yup, I don't know why, but I feel "naiilang". I guess some things never change but it would really be never be the same way again after THE END. But anyway that's just me. It was fun laughing again with JP and Gwen, but I also need to step back. It will be much more difficult for me if I will be attached to them that much. But I can't lie, I really missed them so much, and I can see on their faces they missed me too. Hope I'll get over this soon. Happy 1st Bday Gwennie!

"Misssing"

I miss a lot of things. Things WE used to do, WORDS WE used to say, things that make US SMILE, simple or complicated, I miss it all. But now your gone, do you miss those things too? I miss the WORDs you would tell me before going to sleep. I miss the text messages you would sent me. But, its all over now. Just MISSING you. Okay, so much for the missing parts. Back to reality...youre the ONE that GOT AWAY, do you mis me too?
Hahaha. What a question? I'm asking a question which I already know the ANSWER.

...ERROR PROCESSING DATA...

...ABORT...

...BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME...

...DELETING...

...SHUTTING DOWN...

...YOU!!...

"My Chemical Romance"

I have to let go and start again. It's the only way. Kaytagal din naman kitang MINAHAL. I guess LIFE goes on, and if you'll think about it, in the past we are not like this.I don't want to be ALONE. Who does? But this being alone gives me the freedom to do things all to my self. More free time, more choices in life. At least I've tried rescuing the relationship. I know who or whatever you are if you really love the person she will accept, but on the contrary, if she doesn't love you, it's only fair the relationship ends. Also, I'm still wondering why LOVE blooms very slowly but ends with just a flick of an eye. "Nagising na ako sa katotohanan, katotohanan na di ka naman talaga sa akin" I'm letting everything go now. No grudges, no hate, no bitterness. A friend once told me, "pre wag ka all the way pagdating sa LOVE, wag mo Karerin, take it easy." I guess he's right! Now back to being SINGLE again. Hello LADIES!!! I'm here, Available...Just look at my profile. :-)

"Ouch"

It really hurts from deep inside. I risked opening up myself to Someone I thought I'll be spending the rest of my life, my true LOVE. But I didn't see THE END coming. The Excuse: "nsa akin ung problema at hindi ko pa kaya ibigay ung dapat na pra sayo"

So sad isn't it!? so much LOVE to GIVE to a PERSON that doesn't want it. OUCH!
Now my reflection: "BAKIT PA KITA MINAHAL!"

Really sad... so sad...sad.

"Life"

Sometimes, it's really not fair! nothing much to say, nothing much to utter. So much sorrow to harvest. My birthday is coming up in a few days. I was hoping i could have a blast on that day. But how could I? all thats left in here...loneliness. Smile! as if it were true!? UNFAIR, isn't it?

"Same Old"

Ive written this poem a long time ago. try to view it at my web page "Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso". Pls. give me some credits if you would like to use it. Here is the poem by the way. Comments are very welcome.


Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Di maipaliwanag na kiliti ang nararamdaman
Sa tuwing tayo ay magkasama
Magkatabi sa buong maghapon
Di na nga kailangang magsalita pa, para ipadama
Ang damdamin natin sa bawat isa.

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Wala tayong pakialam
Wala nga tayong imikan, kahit sikmura ay kumakalam
Di man lang natin inaalintana
Kahit abutin tayo ng magdamagan
Hanggang sa ang bukas ay maging ngayon na.

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Di ko man lamang namalayan
Na ikaw pala ay nagpapaalam na
Napaka tanga ko naman para di ko malaman
Na ang dati mong yakap ay di na kasing-init ng dati
Mga halik mo ay naging yelo na rin.

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Ibayong sakit na ang nararamdaman
Sapagkat di na tayo magkasama
Sakit sa ulo sa buong maghapon
Di na ako nag-sasalita pa, dahil wala na akong madama
Na pag-ibig. Wala na.

Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Nawawalan na ako ng gana!
Sa bawat pagtibok ng puso
Galit na ang kasama!
Hayaan mo, Bukas
maghahanap na ako ng iba.

--Alimuom

"Paalam"

I hate goodbye's, but its the only way I can be free. FREE of what? Well God knows what. GOODBYE Batuel!

"When ton2x"

When ton2x is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.

When ton2x looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he lovesyou and
how important you are.

When ton2x answers "I'm Fine" afterawhile,
He is not and feels hurts.

When ton2x keep asking you the samequestion,
He is wondering why you are lying.

When ton2x hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belong to him forever.

When ton2x calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.

When ton2x wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how are you today.

When ton2x sms's u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.

When ton2x says I love you,
He really means it.

When ton2x says that he can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.

When ton2x says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immeditely.

-Taken from "when a GUY"

"Stupified!?"

Have you heard the song of Hale's "The day you said good night" ? Some words struck me like 10,000 volts of electricity, frying the Sh*t out of me. Words Like: "I need this time to be with you." and "You didn't ask me why, I never would have known OBLIVION is falling down."

Now I keep still keep asking myself "Why should it be you and me, if you are just going to leave me anyway?" Why is it when you needed someone the most, she's not there for you? Just leaving you hangging. Nothing to hold on to but just memories that's already gone. Fallacies!? Is it my fault things turned out this way? I think the problem with me is I can't let go. But let go of WHAT? Maybe, just maybe, she gave up everything to me, then found out I'm not worthy , and took it back from me. OBLIVION falled down on me. (OBLIVION=State of being totally forgotten) I Guess I'll be living in Oblivion.

I'm silently screeming. If you may, I've wrote an essay to her. READ:

I wanted you to read this today and again from time to time and let this be a reminder of how much I Care and Love You. I want you to read this so I can let you know that the memories you have given me are the best and most treasured feelings in my life, and the Love we had shared together can't be measured... by words or even time. The feelings were so precious and the thoughts of you were so valuable. Even though things didn’t work out like we planned, and we ended parting our ways. I wanted you to read this and let this be a reminder and let you see and feel that I still Care and Love You. I wanted you to read this and remind you everyday that one point in our relationship we shared the same feelings. Feelings that made us say that we have found each other, and feelings of finding the person we will spend the rest of our lives. Just the thoughts of you, I could say this to you every single day of my life, because you are my Life. Sorry if I may have hurt you. Sorry… really sorry…because the enormous part of my happiness comes from being with You! I Still Love You!

I'm asking her come back to me, and give it another shot. ANOTHER SHOT!? people say we only have one shot at DESTINY. But then again, we never know what the future may bring us to. Now, I'm really confused. What will I do now. Alot of my friends told me "give it up man" some say "just do whatever makes you happy". Easy for them to say. That's why I have this silent scream. VOICES. Voices screaming, begging, to be heard.

Am I tired of all this?
Tired of WAITING!
WAITING in VAIN
My never ending search for my QUEEN.

"What I got"

I've been thinking alot lately, thinking on what Im going to be in the next chapter of my miserable life. ALONE, waiting in vain. Nobody cares, nobody listens, pure ABYSS. Never ending falling into the pits of ABYSS. Nothing to cling on to, nothing to hold on to. Its just plain old me and myself.

TRYING to pick up the fallen pieces of me. TRYING to be whole again. On the outside I may look ALRIGHT, but on the inside, Im nothing but shattered pieces of broken FAILURES. Coz I think Im such a FAILURE. Will I stand up and be whole again? Pick me up? Will you?

All my life, I've learned to stay away from this dredded 4-letter word. It only brings me REJECTION. It was a very long time since my last failed relationship and I've totally forgotten it and move on to be the best I could be. ALONE. Funny thing is, I've learned to LOVE in the most BIZZARE circumstance. I ask myself, "Is this LOVE that Im feeling?" so I gave it a shot. Now this is my question: "Why should it be you and me, if you are just going to leave me anyway?" I always contemplate on this. Maybe because "Lovin' is What I Got!" the only thing I got. But then again somebody told me that "isn't it tragic when I've got so much LOVE to give yet no one seems to WANT it?"

If Love chooses to leave me, then be it!
GOODBYE to LOVE!?
But all I know,
LOVE is what I got!
Coz Lovin' is the only thing Ive got!

"L-O-V-E"

"Relationships, relationships..."

At my age, I've never imagined being troubled with the dredded four letter word, "L-O-V-E". I've never been so involved with someone in my life before. But, as the saying goes, maybe it was not meant to last. Was I the one responsible? Was I the one to be blamed for the failed relationship?

In my recent relationship, I've learned so much from what Love is. Love has many definitions and I ought to have mine. I learned to get hurt, I learned to expect and wait, coz I learned to LOVE that much. As in that much! The Hardest part is saying sorry and letting go! Yup it was really hard. Until now, I really dont know if I've let go, or am I just plain stupid to ignore that its really over.I've got this tiny feeling that I'm holding on to. A feeling so small but feels right and is screaming "FIGHT for me!". "To be or not to be, that is the question."

Its really hard to let go. So many things, feelings you've already shared. But REJECTION is different. OUCH! hit me BULLSEYE. Hearing the words "its over between you and me!", "wag na lang!", makes me wanna go back to where I belong, makes me feel I'm worthless. It's like 10,000 whip lashes on my back, plus a slash of sharp blade on my neck, then finishing me with a big blow on my heart ripping it out and chrashing it in front of my eyes before i loose my breath and die.

Now, I ask my self, "am i the one that got away?"

Well good luck to me in my never ending quest for my QUEEN!

AMEN

"Updates"

Its been a long time since my last post. Many things had happened and many events had place. So many story to tell, so little time. Posting unto my blogger is also limited. I can’t seem to manage my time these days. I’ve enrolled in my Masteral studies at UST, and I’m currently working as a librarian, as in full time work. Then I got this 3 unit class every Friday morning for three hours. Its quite a challenge for me teaching. I didn’t see my self, standing in front of a class teaching, but here I am, and I’m getting a hang of it.

Teka masyado na naman akong formal. Ahehehe. Mas malakas pala ang dating pag sa sariling wika kosinulat ang nilalaman ng aking damdamin. Hindi naman masyadong pormal kaya payagan mo na akong managalog. At wala din lamang akong balak na ipabasa ang aking blogs sa mga foreigner.

"1/4 of Megadeth"

Last May 26, 2005, former Megadeth axeman Marty Friedman visited Manila giving a guitar clinic. It is part of his Asia tour promoting his new album "Marty Friedman Music for Speeding". Venue is at the Hard Rock Cafe in Glorietta. The show started at around four in the afternoon. Metal heads from Manila flock to see him in action. He played 3 songs and anwered a lot of questions. Then Played some Megadeth tunes. After this, the fun part begins, Signing of Souvenirs, picture taking and stuff. I was a fan of Megadeth Since highschool, so its like a dream or almost a dream seeing one member of Megadeth.
Pictures (Click on the link to view)
Me and Marty
Close up

"Be Cool"

Kahapon nagkasundo kami ni Cecile na manood ng sine. "Be cool". Akala nya na check ko na na showing na yung movie. Ganun din ako sa kanya. Wala kaming ka malay malay, pag dating namin dun iba ang palabas. Ewan ko ba kung tapos na o hindi pa showing yung movie. Malamang na tapos na, kase iba na ang nakalagay sa next attraction e. Nakakatawa talaga kame kagabi. Kaya hayun, kumain nalang kami sa tokyo tokyo. Bumili kami ng Lychee shake sa may labas tapos kumain kami ng California Maki. naka 12 na piraso ata kami nun. Tapos ayun, umuwi na kami, nakaka tawa talaga.

"LSS: Last Song Syndrome"

Nakikinig ako ng MP3, Eheadz po. Tapos napakinggan ko yung kanta nilang "para sa masa". May part lang ng lyrics na gusto kong i share kase eto ang feelings ko ngayong mga oras na ito. here it is:

ilang taon na ring lumipas
mga kulay ng mundo ay kumupas
marami na rin ang mga pagbabago
di maiiwasan pagkat tayo ay tao lamang
mapapatawad mo ba ako
kung hindi ko sinunod ang gusto mo
la la la la la la la la. . . . . .
pinilit kong iahon ka
ngunit ayaw mo namang sumama
...huwag mong hayaang ganito
bigyan ang sarili ng respeto

Yun lang naman. Di na kailangan siguro i explain. Naka relate ka ba?

"I wish!"

Bakit ganito title? Nakita ko kase kahapon sa Net yung Ipod Shuffle na 512MB. Ang gara, ang ganda, at mura pa. Medyo affordable. Mas sakto sya sa pangangailangan ko. Di malaki at di naman gaano maliit ang kapasidad ng mga kanta na kasya dito. Napaisip tuloy ako kung paano ako makakabili nito. Sumagi din sa isip kong Ibenta ang ilan sa magagandang CD's ko. Pero nanaig pa din ang pagka senti ko. Lahat ng CD ko kase may sentimental value sa akin. Kahit nga CDR lang yun. Para bang may ibig sabihin sa akin bawat kanta. Bawat kanta = Alaala. Naisip ko din na maghanap ng mga lumang gamit para ibenta, pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, "wag nalang, mag iipon nalang ako". So eto ako, nag iipon. matagal pero bahala na si Batman. ahehehe!
Eto maganda, kanina nakausap ko yung boss ko. Sabi nya matatanggap na daw namin yung Merit Insentives namin sa May. Malamang sa katapusan yun ng mayo. Well, pandagdag na rin yun sa ipon ko. Bahala na nga. Ahehehe malayo pa yun at marami pang pedeng mangyari. Nakakatuwa lang kase talaga yung Ipod e.

"Ano ba yan!? part 2"

Nakausap ko ulit si Cecile kagabi, hindi pa pala sya nag quit sa training nya. Nagpalipat muna sya sa 2nd batch ng training. Enough time para makahanap nga ulit ng panibagong trabaho. Para kung sakali pede nya pa balikan kahit alam kong malabo na ito. Sayang nga talaga. Nahihirapan na daw sya. Nwawalan na din ng gana. Sabi ko naman, ganyan talaga ang buhay. Sabi nya kase " not fair, nakakuha nga ako ng trabaho si Jp naman ang problem". Kelan ba naging fair ang buhay!? Depende nalang kung papaano mo i-handle. Sabi ko din sa kanya na isipin mabuti ang solusyon sa problema at wag isipin yung problema. At ang frustrations gamiting drive para magsumikap at umunlad, at wag isiping hadlang. Hay, sana makahanap sya ng work. As in day job ang kailangan nya. Wala din naman ako magawa. Eto lang kaya ko siguro, Hindi na rin masama. Bigyan sya ng lakas. Lakas para hindi sumuko. Sabi ko nga sa kanya " Isipin mo nalang pag nagtagumpay ka na, dati muntik ka ng mag quit, pero buti nalang hindi mo itinuloy, at dahil dun narating mo ang mga pangarap mo". Kaya, Lets hope and pray na ma solve na itong problem na ito. Prayer! Amen.

"Ano ba yan!?"

Kahapon ng gabi, nag-punta ako sa bahay nila Cecile. The usual, linggo kaya magsisimba kame. Pag dating ko natutulog sya sa may sofa nila. Napagod siguro kaya naisipan munang umidlip. Tinatawag nga sya ng kapatid nya para gumising dahil nga andun ako. Sabi ko naman na hayaan nalang at baka pagod. Sa makatuwid di kame nakapagsimba kagabi. Masama man, pero okay na rin siguro yun. Panahon yun para makapagusap kame. Yun nga. Nalaman ko na nagkakaproblema pala sya kay Pipoy. May bago kase syang trabaho. Sa "call center" at pang gabi po sya. Strat na ng training nya. Hinahatid ko pa nga sya. Kaso eto nga. Matamlay daw si Pipoy palagi at ayaw na syang papaalisin sa tabi nya, lalo na kung gabi. Ewan ko kung papaano? Sayang talaga yung work opportunity, kaso kawawa naman si Pipoy. Ang hirap diba? Ako man ang lumagay dun e. Mawiwindang ka sa kaiisip. Naiiyak na nga sya e. Kaya ako naman, suporta na lang ang kaya ko ibigay. Ang sabi ko lang e, Kung san sya masaya, dun din ako. Suggest ko din na kung ganun na nga, iwan na lang ang work at maghanap ulit ng iba. Kahit mahirap maghanap, ganun talaga. Sayang man pero ganun talaga buhay. Kaya Good Luck! Makahanap na sana ng Peace of mind ang bebe ko. ~end~

"Gusto nyang mag swimming"
Haaay, buti at naisipan kong sumulat ulit dito. Natapos ang aming company outing sa Abucay, bataan nung Abril 1-2. Masaya ang mga empleyado at solve ang lahat. Napakahaba ng oras para nakapag relax, mag enjoy at kasama na rin ang malasing. Overnight kase kaya medyo hindi kami bintin sa mga happenings. May billiards at videoke kung ayaw mo mag swimming dahil mainit ang araw. Pede karing magkulong sa fully airconditioned rooms at dun manood ng TV, mag kwentuhan, magkulitan, at maglaro ng kung ano-ano tulad ng board games at baraha. Sa Raven's Resort Abucay Bataan nga pala yung outing namin. Gabi naging actibo ang lahat kung saan naglabasan ang mga inumin at sankatutak na pulutan. Kasama pa ang mga kantahan. Nakakatuwang tignan dahil lahat tayo pantay pantay pag dating sa ikakaligaya natin. Simpleng inumin lang pero na break nya yung bounderies ng isang empleyado sa kapwa empleyado. Kasama na ang mga guwardiya at mga janitors. Lahat masasaya nung gabing iyon. Sa susunod na taon, ganito din kaya? Sana naman. Nag enjoy talaga ako!

"Pelikula"

Kakatapos ko lang mananghalian kasa ang aking mga ka opisina dito sa aking pinagta trabahuhan. Napagusapan namin ang ilang mga magagandang pelikula. "Jologs" ika nga. Mga lumang pelikulang Pilipino. Naalala ko pa na Black and White pa yung TV at mga palabas noon. Na Inaabangan lahat ng tao ang palabas na may san da makmak na commercial. Lahat nakasilip pati sa bintana para mapanood lang yung palabas. Ilan sa mga ito ay ang mga sikat na artista tulad ni FPJ, Dolphy, Eddie Garcia, Chikito, Redford White, Niño Mulach, At mga pelikulang tulad ng Darna, Capt. Barbel, Kumander Surot, Estong Tutong, Kape at gatas, Kumander bawang, Wag mong buhayin ang bangkay, Tuklaw, Sino si Amang, Berong Bayong, Waway, At sino makakalimot kay Ramon Revilla na sangkaterbang anting anting ang dala tulad ng Kapitan Inggo: Kumakain ng bala, Elias Paniki, Nardong Putik, bianong bulag, at marami pa. Nakatuwa diba? Pati yung mga alallay napagusapan namin e. Tulad ni Amay bisaya, Pablo Birtuso, Dencio Padilla, Tintoy, Apeng Daldal, Panchito, At syempre mga pelikula nung 80's na bida sila Tito, Vic, At Joey. Hahahaha. Tawa kame ng tawa sa mga esilo ng pelikula nung araw. At nakiuso pa sa porma ng Badgets, Gary V. At sino ang hindi nagsuot ng Puruntong shorts na pinauso ni Dolphy?
lahat yun napag kwentuhan namin. Yun lang...

"All we need is love"
I just came across this article. It has no title so I might as well use the song of the Beatles, John Lennon Sings.

It has always been said that sometimes the onlyperson who can make us happy is the sameperson who makes us cry. But most of the time,we don't find this happiness because the personwho made us cry doesn't love us at all. We allknow that love has a way of painting the worldaround us with beautiful colors. It can make us see something that is not real, something that is notthere at all. A person in love would often give more meaning to the actions of another person which heor she interprets as some form of caring or even agesture of love.But the thing is, when we are blindly in love, wereally don't see the world around us as it is. Wesee it differently. Some people even build their ownworld of make-believe where they can live happily ever after. But the only "after" there can be is disillusionment. I know it's hard to see the difference between love and friendship when it's love that we want somuch. Sometimes the only way to prove our love for a person is to simply give him the freedom tochoose who he wants to love, even if it may not be us. Let us always remember that the greatestchallenge in this life is how to love unselfishly andmake other people happy even if it means giving upour own happiness. ~end~

"Isip naka-kahon"

Tagal ko na palang walng nailagay dito. Marahil na ba badtrip ako sa page ko e. Tignan nyo naman po. Wala sya sa alignment at tinatamad na akong alamin kung bakit sya nag ka ganito. Isa din siguro ay madami akong ginagawa. Sa trabaho, sa pansarili, at syempre sa mahal ko. Nag spend ako ng time sa kanila. Oo kanila, 2 po sila. Bahala na kayo kung ano iisipin nyo.

Sinimulan ko rin magkaroon kase ng sariling journal. Maliit na notebook yun. Dun ako nagsusulat kadalasan at pinababasa ke Batuel. Hayaan nyo pag may oras ako, ilalagay ko dito yung ilang entries ko na maari nyong malaman. Ilan kase sa mga nakalagay dun ay medyo personal na. Na siguro pede lamang mabasa kapag kaming 2 ay yumao na (wag naman sana, tagalan nyo pa po lord!).

Sa ngayon, gusto ko talagang buhayin ang aking blogger. pagpalain sana ako sa aking ninanais. Napansin ko din na tagalog na tagalog ako ngayong araw na ito. Marahil siguro dahil sa tulang ito na nais kong ibahagi sa inyo. Mag enjoy sana kayo sa tulang ito.

Lahat ng Hindi Ko Kailangang Malaman, Natutunan Kosa Pelikulang For Adults Only
by Jose F. Lacaba

Marumi ang pulitiko, pero malinis ang budhing puta.

Ipokrito ang pari, pero may ginintuang puso ang puta.

Nagpapaaral ng kapatid na magpapari ang puta.

Namumutiktik sa putang ina at anak ng puta ang malaswang bibigng puta.

Nalululong sa droga ang anak ng puta.

Ayaw ng putang ina na ang anak niyang babae'y masadlak sa pagpuputa.

Ang unang tikim sa luto ng Diyos ay ipinapatikimng puta.

Bukas ang simbahan kahit madaling-araw tuwing magdadasal ang puta.

Nagbubulungan ang mga manang na nakakasalubong ng puta.

Ginahasa ng tiyuhin ang puta kung kaya siya nag puta.

Tulak ng kahirapan kung kaya nagputa ang puta.

Hindi nagpapahalik sa labi ang puta.

Kapwa puta ang mga kabarkada ng puta.

Magandang lalaki ang nag-aalay ng tapat na pag-ibig sa puta.

Masungit na ina ng magandang lalaki ang nag-aalok ng pera para lumayo ang puta.

Kung binabaril ang bidang lalaki, yumayakap at tinatamaan ang puta.

Tanging kamatayan ang tutubos at magpapatawad sa kaputahan ng puta.

Sigaw ng puta: Pare-pareho naman tayongputa!